STAFF PICKS: MOST UNFORTUNATE SPOTS FOR ROMANTIC TRYSTS
Issue date: 2/15/06 Section: Back Page
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For your sake and ours, please avoid these spots for your Valentine's plans.
1) The Catherine Bench
If you feel, as you surely do, that your love for that special Catherine girl is singular and hidden, and that no one can fathom the depths of your heart-felt affection, please keep it that way. You may feel as you cuddle on that magical bench that you and your love are the only two people in this world; you are not. Eyes from Catherine, Madonna, and (we've heard) a telescope from O'Connell are peering at you- peering and judging.
2) Breezeway in Gorman
Once again, just because there is a bench, this doesn't give you license to canoodle, nor does it grant you privacy. "Breezeway" may sound bucolic and romantic, but the only breeze you'll have is the exhaled smoke of smokers smoking in that non-smoking corridor.
3) Philosophy and the Ethical Life
You may incredulously ask, "Do people really mistake this for a romantic atmosphere?" Yes, some do. Discussions of the eros of Glaucon and the cozy, dark atmosphere of the Cave prompt some lovebirds to hold hands or caress knees beneath the Braniff tables. You aren't fooling anybody, and this action convinces us that you could never be a ruler of the Just City.
4) O'Connell Lounge
Many a tale has been told that the dim lighting and strangely exciting smell from O'Connell's lounge make it a veritable lover's grotto filled with soft cooing and amorous whispers. We find it more likely to be the scene of a serial-killer horror movie. Do not think that you have found privacy in this often deserted space: there are still eyes a-prying. Not human eyes this time, but the eyes from that bone-chilling Japanese doll encased in glass.
1) The Catherine Bench
If you feel, as you surely do, that your love for that special Catherine girl is singular and hidden, and that no one can fathom the depths of your heart-felt affection, please keep it that way. You may feel as you cuddle on that magical bench that you and your love are the only two people in this world; you are not. Eyes from Catherine, Madonna, and (we've heard) a telescope from O'Connell are peering at you- peering and judging.
2) Breezeway in Gorman
Once again, just because there is a bench, this doesn't give you license to canoodle, nor does it grant you privacy. "Breezeway" may sound bucolic and romantic, but the only breeze you'll have is the exhaled smoke of smokers smoking in that non-smoking corridor.
3) Philosophy and the Ethical Life
You may incredulously ask, "Do people really mistake this for a romantic atmosphere?" Yes, some do. Discussions of the eros of Glaucon and the cozy, dark atmosphere of the Cave prompt some lovebirds to hold hands or caress knees beneath the Braniff tables. You aren't fooling anybody, and this action convinces us that you could never be a ruler of the Just City.
4) O'Connell Lounge
Many a tale has been told that the dim lighting and strangely exciting smell from O'Connell's lounge make it a veritable lover's grotto filled with soft cooing and amorous whispers. We find it more likely to be the scene of a serial-killer horror movie. Do not think that you have found privacy in this often deserted space: there are still eyes a-prying. Not human eyes this time, but the eyes from that bone-chilling Japanese doll encased in glass.